Ten Things every African in New York should do before death

to-do.jpgAfter stumbling upon some ‘top ten things’ articles here and there (and some of them were pretty retarded), I’m taking it upon myself to write yet another one (yay, aren’t you thrilled you little buggers:-D), but this time putting it in the context of Africans living in NY, or the US (where applicable), heck you don’t even have to be African really, just possess common sense. The list that follows may seriously impact you and perhaps bring upon felicity (can you hear me laugh?) in your life, so go ahead and do those things because Papa Shongo said so…

10. Play the lottery, both the New York Lottery and the Green Card Lottery that is. Getting rich and a permanent resident card? Damn, talk about getting papers!

9. Work with your own social security card (get your ‘papiers’ straight damn it)

8. Tape your wallet to your forehead if you live in a ‘hot’ neighborhood. This is so the Police can clearly distinguish between your fake Fendi wallet and a gun. Failure to do this may result in your death (ironic considering the title of this post and all :-)).

7. Find a Senegalese restaurant and order thiebou djeun, seriously.

6. Go to 28th street and Broadway (you know, that ‘underground’ spot with top notch surveillance equipment and stuff) to shop for as many imported designer goods as possible (they got crazy deals on Diesel jeans! Some argue that those might be counterfeit but they’re just jealous :-/).

5. Get a second wife: Everybody’s doing it, well at least half of the West Africans in Harlem and the Bronx. Oh please don’t act like you don’t know…just kidding but you might to read this NY Times article on polygamy.

4. Start a business. If all else fails, open a West African hair salon, send one of the ladies working for you at the train station to harass future clientèle with chants of: “hair braiding miss?” There’s gotta be money in this, have you ever visited one those salons in Harlem? Constantly packed!

3. Invest in a property: that’s right; a house is always a good asset to have, anywhere in the universe (except maybe on Pluto).

2. Get an education: make sure you do this by your 50th birthday please. There’s just something not admirable about a dude driving a taxi cab or baby sitting for 30 years. Go to school and become an astronaut or something, prove to the world that you can be much more.

1. GO BACK! I’ll let you meditate on this one…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: